Facebook has been globally recognized to be a popular social utility that supports intense networking systems. People hence find themselves able to connect with friends, colleagues and family members with the instant click of a mouse! Facebook is so widely and commonly used that its usage does not only reside among the people of our generation. It has infiltrated to generations above us, that even our parents have starting tapping on the wonderful network coverage Facebook provides them with to connect with us. That being said, whether to connect or keep track of our behaviour is yet another question.
The above video clip displays how a parent proudly illustrates the convenient usuage of Facebook to keep close watch of her son's behaviour. She also makes occasional snide remarks in a matter of fact tone about this girl, Jenny, who apparently seems close to her son.
'Facebook won't let me see her entire profile, but I can get a good enough idea of what she's like by looking at this trampy picture' says Gloria Bianco.
Gloria shares with the two hosts on Today Now! that she writes on her son's wall five times a day to remind him to take his medication and also looks through his photos on a daily basis. While Facebook is a social networking system that provides people with the closest description of how someone is like due to the verbal and non-verbal communication cues present in the template of the system, we sometimes wonder whether anyone could possibly have some personal space left, especially with overbearing parents like this.
The liberty to have access to one's life through information(words written in the form of Facebook status, wall messages and biography- Verbal communication cues) and pictures(serves as a form of non-verbal communication that aids verbal communication to get a broader social make up of a person's lifestyle etc) inevitably leads to encroaching of privacies? In this case, I feel that it demonstrates just that.
In the video clip, Gloria Bianco mentioned that tagging of pictures on Facebook allows her to have a better idea of the friends her son is mixing with. Tagging of pictures also enables others to know that you have attended certain parties, weddings and gatherings.. some of which may not be suitable for 'parental consumption'. In this case, thank goodness for the lock function that enables one to make their profiles/pictures private, however, how is it possible not to include one's parent in their list of friends? By doing so, parents would question their child's integrity, thinking that they are hiding certain things from them.
I believe communication between parent and child is very important, however trusting their children and not making judgements about their friends due to their often inaccurate perceptions of them through the internet is even more important.
FACEBOOK SONG, the wonders of Facebook, for pure entertainment purposes!
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI think that's an example of going over the top to look out for your son/daughter if they are checking on them a dozen times a day. Maybe these are the parents that never really developed trusty, close relationship with their children that is why they need to guide their children so they make better decisions.
I have a friend whom his mom writes on his facebook saying things like love you baby ONCE in a while so I think it's sweet.
Namka
http://lifestoolong.wordpress.com/
It is a maternal instinct of any mother to show care, concern and love for their kids. However, it is often expressed in a different way that kids loathed.
ReplyDeleteTherefore, in order to have a strong and healthy relationship, communication and trust is necessary.
haha... it is in the instinct of any parent and even older siblings at times to 'bother' because they wouldnt want to see their own family member go astray, especially if they are in their teenage years because its in these teenage years where our characters are really built up. It's a waste my parents know nothing more about computers than microsoft excel and microsoft word, otherwise it would be damn fun disturbing them on Facebook!
ReplyDeleteParents having to resort to such means to keep tabs on their children is evident of how parent-child relationships are deterioating today. This is indeed a concern and such methods of "communicating" with their children are not neccessarily helping. If anything, it is probably driving the gap further apart.
ReplyDeleteAlthough it can be argued that the actions of the parent can be justified as they are only concerned about their child, I feel that respecting their child's privacy is of significant importance as well, especially when the child is of college-age.
It is only when the parent and the child can come to a such a mutual understanding that they can start to repair any broken relationship that they may have.
In this internet age, our parents use the computer as much as or maybe more than we do. As their kids, we'll always feel "protected" from our parents with their established rules for computer use.
ReplyDeleteAlthough they need to have extra peace of mind in knowing our social peer but that could unknowingly leads to unnecessary miscommunications and mistrust. Therefore parents should discuss their concerns with their children instead of invading their privacy.
I wouldn't want my mum to stalk me on facebook! murrrrr
Hey Amadea!
ReplyDeleteNice choice of subject there as Facebook is popular culture now, therefore enabling us to relate to it better.
The story of Gloria and her children about facebook is not uncommon. With increasing literacy rates and high levels of technology these days, it is normal that even our parents have learnt to use facebook. I personally do not have my parents on facebook but I do have my aunties and uncles on facebook.
However, like Gloria's children, I actually do filter information from my aunties and uncles. I guess this is partly because I do not want them to change their perception of me just from my photos or the things written on my wall. I feel that it is not entirely possible for people to not judge one another from verbal and non verbal cues on facebook because after all, these actions do say something about us. It might not be entirely accurate but there would probably some truth in it most of the time.
Thus, unless your parents and you have a very close relationship, I suggest that you simply do not add them as a friend or filter out certain information. Afterall, you would not want it to affect your relationship with them. If parents, on the othe hand, are open minded and accepting, it could actually bring you closer together with them!
All in all, it all boils down to the quality of your interpersonal relationship with your parents when it comes to deciding whether to add them on facebook or not. I hope that I would reach that certain quality one day when my parents finally have facebook, so that I do not have to hide anything from them!(:
@ Namka
ReplyDeleteYes I agree with you, and this overbearing behaviour of the parent is probably attributed to the lack of communication(face-face) and trust for the child. It is definitely heartwarming to receive occasional messages from our parents, but definitely not on an everyday basis reminding us to do this and that.
@ Mark
ReplyDeletePerhaps the parent could have adopted a more subtle approach to show concern for her child, without publicly embarrassing them. Sending emails would be a better option for constant reminders such as taking their medicine, instead of writing it on their child's FB wall.
@ Jeremiah
ReplyDeleteYes, it would surely be fun to poke fun at our parents on FB, however we would also lose the little bit of privacy we should have as our lives are dispayed to them more outrightly. Things that we intend to conceal would be out in the open..
@ Jaslyn
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that resorting to such extreme measures of building trust with their children could in fact lead to drawing both parent and child apart. No child would like having their parent call their friend(worse still, the person they fancy) a tramp on national TV. In that way, I do not think the parent has respect for their child. In order for mutual respect to occur, parens should first learn to trust their children and should they have bad impressions of the friends their children hang out with, advise them tactfully.
facebook is personal but we all know it violates cool-trend101 when your parents are on facebook observing you.
ReplyDeletethank god for limited profiles and privacy settings.
however, i believe that parenting should veer more towards the burn-and-learn concept. where one should go through the pain and catch the moral of his actions.
my personal experience is that when i taught my mum how to use dictionary, she picked it up quick. and whenever we fought and i didn't wanna talk to her, she'd sms me LENGTHY lectures over sms.
that again, you could see through the example above that by the parent wanting to see their child on facebook. it may seem possessive, but better overindulgent than negligent don't you think Ams? and maybe through joining facebook, the parent was willing to invest and know their child more? 2 sides of a coin i say :)
isaac.
@Dee
ReplyDeleteHi Dee, I would not want my parents to stalk me on facebook too! I believe that as much as we respect our parents, they should give us the same amount of respect in terms of privacy. After all, persoanl space is a much valued aspect of our lives.
Facebook does seem to be rising in popularity everyday with it's constant improving and adding of features! It may soon become an essential for all Internet users in the future. That said, it does come with its own flaws as well.
ReplyDeleteThe "stalker mom" is one of the backlashes in facebook as it does intrude into one's personal space. I think that any parent who smothers their children with constant pestering cannot do much good for a child's independence and personal development. Although it is important to have a healthy level of communication with your parents, there is a limit.
By keeping tabs on her child via facebook, Gloria can make sure that her son toes the line and does not behave too badly when she is not around to watch his every move. However, I feel that by doing so some children may not feel at ease with themselves and thus, not have the freedom to fully express himself as an individual.
Another backlash could be the fact that even though facebook provides a means of verbal and non-verbal communication, it is not a surefire way to get to really know someone. After all, there is more to a person than just wall posts, photo albums and applications!
Hi Dea,
ReplyDeleteyup it is true that social networks are exposing our privacy but thankfully there are security measures that we can take to prevent certain people from "peeving" into our lives like a surveillance camera.
There is nothing wrong with parents using social networks or blogs to get updated about their children but if that is their only channel then it is really saddening as it shows that the parent is unable to communicate with their child directly. The child too, should also initiate healthy communication with their parents.
both parties should respect each other's privacy.
Hi Mandy,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on the smothering part. I guess most parents have yet to come to terms with themselves on the fact that their child is growing up and is learning to stand on their own two feet. At this stage of becoming an adult, the teenager would crave for personal space and a little leeway at freedom, and smothering the child will not do him any good. My entry shows a parnt actively participating in her child's life, which is good, however taking on a wrong approach in dealing with things she does not approve of in her child's life. Making snide remarks about his friends is a good example. Her son will definitely think it is intrusive and disrespectful to judge his friends that waym especially when it could be a girl he fancies. Of course, the natural defense mechanism would be the common phrase parents like to use on us, 'it is all for your own good'. Now we ask ourselves, is it really? Or is it an excessive effort that could result in suffocating the child and creating an even greater distance between parent and child.
I believe both parent and child have to reach a compromise. All this is acceptable if her son is completely fine with it.
Hi Chia,
ReplyDeleteYes i agree that it is saddenly if Facebook is the only means for parents to find out what is truly going on in their childrens' lives. This shows a lack of communication and distance between parent and child. Face to face communication is hence of utmost importance to bridge the generation gap between parent and child. It would be most feasible if parents could try to understand what their children are going through and not consistently steer their childrens' thoughts to the direction they want them to believe in. I also agree with you that parents should repect their childrens' views and vice versa in order to make parent-child communication effective. However the possibility of doing so varies in a case to case basis. More liberal parents would accept their children staying out late comapred to traditional parents who condemn such behaviour even if it means staying out late to catch up with friends and not indulge in any vices.
Facebook-the not so new kid on the "new media block". Since its debut years back, it has captivated millions around the world today. Its popularity has surged, especially in technological-savvy Singapore.
ReplyDeleteFacebook, as what social networking sites do, enable people to stay interconnected with family and friends or as the name implies, increse our social circle. Gloria's case seems intimidating, but actually, such a phenomenon is not only restricted to parents and their children. The Straits Times recently reported on users tailing their ex-lovers on Facebook too!
Back to the issue of parents "stalking" their children on Facebook, I think it's very true to say it all comes down to trust. Times have evolved, parents become more curious about the activities of their children, but possibly only because youths have found more ways to break out of norms of the past, leading the former to worry more. It takes two hands to clap. As long as each side gives an assurance to the other party, I think conversing with one's parents on Facebook is quite a novel way to communicate! One friend related how she can "poke" her grandfather on Facebook, which rather tickled those of us who heard her story. Such a laid-back atmosphere could be the key to enhanced communication between generations. =)